8:00: Rascal Flatts predictably enough get the show-opener pole position. Have I mentioned lately how much I hate these smug fuckers? “Still Feels Good,” their new single, is total inoffensive midtempo fluff, only really country by dint of its semi-prominent fiddles and banjo, and I think maybe I just hate it because it reminds me so much of the Eagles and because of Gary LeVox’s sinus-clogged squeak of a voice. It’s nice to see someone keeping the Janet Jackson headset-mic alive, anyway.

At the end of the song, the big TV screens behind them run a quick montage of old CMA moments, and it just serves to reinforce how little these tools sound like Porter Wagoner or Willie Nelson. The assembly-line is still alive and well, but it really has changed.