Everyone deserves their 15 minutes of fame. Linda Kraft s crowning glory-dom of the year is her confidence that she made changes in a national TV commercial for bathroom tissue. I have been watching this Charmin commercial of two bears racing on a beach to obviously reach a Porta-Potty, says Linda, who lives in Davenport. The background music was Handel s Messiah while the pitch was for the new Charmin.

I was offended that Handel s Messiah was being played in all its majesty in such a situation, Linda says. Her dander was up. She called Procter Gamble where a human voice listened to her complaint. I told a polite young man that the holy Messiah was not proper background music for tissue. I suggested, instead, that the bombastic theme of 2001: A Space Odyssey would be more appropriate for running bears. ( 2001 is the Strauss theme for monumental events.

TV coverage of Apollo moon missions and landings have used the music of Space Odyssey. ) The young man told Linda her suggestion would be forwarded to the marketing department. She was watching TV this week when the Charmin commercial came on, with the two bears running helter-skelter to you-know-where. But the music was new. I yelled to my husband, Gary: They ve changed the music from Messiah to Space Odyssey. Linda says, I know it was my suggestion that did it. It had to have been my idea.

No one else would have thought of 2001 in place of Handel. It was like winning the lottery. Maybe they will send me a case of Charmin. I ve yet to hear from them. With influence like that, Linda should be hired to solve the global warming problem and all such matters of worry. Good times, good cheer THE HOLIDAYS put us in a state where we are incapable of rational thought or action. There s a car cruising around Rock Island with strands of Christmas lights strung all over the place inside.